it's carnival weekend in Jacmel. the first carnival since "after" (12 January earthquake). I just got an immediate headache when speaking to my Haitian friend about whether or not he's going. He said no. People are still sleeping in the streets. People are still suffering. They don't need a party. The familiar feeling of tension in my neck and head returned. This is my conversation with him.

J'aime Ayiti ... this guilty feeling is something i struggle with everyday. Where i live, what i have access to, salary, my freedom to go to the beach, etc. EVERY day I struggle with the guilt of looking around me EVERYwhere I go - and see people suffering. see people sleeping in tents. seeing people hungry. sick. unclothed. Empathy is in my BONES for the people I see struggling. and that is why i came to haiti to try to do something good. even a little bit. and i completely see your point - that why should money be spent on a 'party' when so many struggle. i don't know ... i have no experience with haiti before 12 january, but i hope, and i felt, that once we got past the 12 january 2011 ... there was a small feeling of the POSSIBILITY of hope .. seeing houses constructed near the office, less rubble, etc. maybe carnival will allow people to lift the heaviness out of the hearts, and forget, for one or two days, the pain they've been feeling .. and celebrate. that they are alive. they can dance and feel the music.